a new mother’s journey to find community and restore her authenticity
Written By - Rebecca Lemke
About five years ago, as a new mom buried in postpartum depression and inflamed childhood traumas, I had a lot of shame around some of the choices I had been making.
I had left my job and moved to the coast, hours away from everyone I knew. Even though I had my supportive partner and my adorable baby, I felt so alone.
I suffered grief and guilt for walking away from relationships that I knew deep down were not serving me and I cried every day. I felt I had burned bridges in my career, and even though I could feel a deeper calling in my heart, I was angry with myself and felt like a failure. I went about most days shaming myself and felt I would never find a community where I truly belonged.
Somehow I had an inner knowing that I was doing everything right, but I had so many layers of guilt, shame, and anxiety clouding me up inside that I couldn’t have told you why I chose to isolate myself and cocoon at the coast with my new little family.
This was about the time that I discovered the Dream Freedom Beauty (DFB) podcast, which has evolved into Earth Speak. DFB consisted of deeply intimate conversations with people who had created their most authentic lives by allowing that inner space of knowing to guide them. They were herbalists and beekeepers, energy healers and ritual facilitators, activists, and microbiologists, and they had something I wanted for myself.
When the Earth Speak Collective was born I joined an online community of like-hearted folks, and I came to understand that I, too, have this space of inner knowing. It is my intuition.
Earth Speak is a container that holds a safe space for those of us who long for deep relationships with our intuition, with others, and with Mother Earth in all her beautiful and fascinating forms. I loved that everything Earth Speak does recognizes the fact that we are nature; that as we unlearn the ways of the capitalistic, patriarchal society we were born into, we attune more and more to our most authentic ways of being and align with nature as it lives through us.
In the Collective I realized that this thing I felt had been missing from my life was deep inside of me all along, waiting to be seen, heard, and validated, waiting to be cultivated.
Upon joining the Earth Speak Collective, I instantly connected with members of the community, and I have continued to make friends along the way.
These friendships are not the kind I’ve had in the past where codependent dynamics begin to play out, only to reflect years later and find that I was never truly known. They are the kind of bonds that result from being seen, heard, and validated for both the light and shadow that lives through each of us.
“Earth Speak is a container that holds a safe space for those of us who long for deep relationship with our intuition, with others, and with Mother Earth in all her beautiful and fascinating forms.”
Through the live video calls that Earth Speak Collective offers to its members weekly, I have developed practices that help me know my own energy so I can decipher when things have gone awry. Like those days when nothing seems to be going right and I just can’t shake the clouds of grump that enshroud me. When everyone around me seems to be at fault for something or another and my inner critic is screaming at me through a megaphone.
I have learned that a lot of the guilt, shame, and anxiety I was experiencing was actually due to outside influences on my energy field or old energy that I had never cleared because I just didn’t know how.
Now I’m able to notice when these things start to show up and identify whether or not they even belong to me so I can energetically send them back to their source. When I find that they do belong to me, I now have energetic practices that nourish the inner child or shadow parts of me that are calling out in those moments. With the Collective’s private social network, I know that there is always a place for me to go and share my noticings and sort through my thoughts and feelings. I can connect with others about topics that interest me, like Tarot and oracle cards, plant and mushroom medicines, moon magic and ancestral healing, dream interpretation, and so much more.
Whenever I share on the forum, I always get heartfelt responses from people who get me. I also find my mind constantly opening to new topics and ideas that feel resonant and meaningful to my authentic self.
So what does a weekly call consist of?
There is a basic formula, which is open to improvised modification depending on intuitive guidance in regards to the energy of the members present, as well as the energetic climate of the current events. We open by sharing noticings. This is a time when everyone who wants to has a chance to share something that is coming up for them in their own personal lives. We often refer to it as a time to share either a “rose” or a “thorn”, synchronicity that shows up serendipitously or something that is weighing heavy on the heart.
Since we practice consent before responding to a noticing, members know it is a safe space to open up with vulnerability, and oftentimes what gets shared is reflected and resonant for others in the community.
After sharing our noticings, we move into a meditative grounding and energy clearing practice that is cultivated and beautifully spoken live by Natalie Ross, one of the co-founders of Earth Speak (the other being Shawna Cason, who also brings a lovely and engaging energy to each call). These guided meditations are powerful and always leave me feeling rejuvenated.
When I first joined I wasn’t sure it would be worth the money and time invested, but these weekly energetic resets alone are priceless.
We then move into the third portion of the call which changes week to week and consists of things like channeled journaling, in-depth conversations around how we are affected by current events and what we can do about them, Tarot or oracle card readings, an outpouring of grief that is ready to be witnessed and discharged, identifying looming spirits or energies and assisting them to cross over or move on, sharing and practicing energetic healing or boundary protection methods, and the list goes on and on.
Sometimes we enter break-out rooms where we have an opportunity to go deeper in a more intimate setting, one-on-one with another member of the Collective. I find these sessions to somehow always be just what I needed. I leave each week with a sense that I am part of something bigger than myself, and that I am not alone.
One of my favorite parts about being an Earth Speak Collective member is when we have our monthly fire rituals. Members can volunteer to engage in ceremony by way of fire tending, altar setting, music, art, poetry, divination, or any other way they feel called, and everyone else participates within the sacred container that is ceremonially opened and then closed. These rituals are truly magical. The energy we foster within the sacred container has powerful transformational effects that manifest in our daily lives.
The rituals are planned and carried out by any members from the Collective who feel called to co-create this ritual experience.
Another fun offering in the Collective is that any member can propose a meetup based on their interests (such as psychic practices, spiritual parenting, inclusivity, etc) and watch it come to life. This is a truly unique way to connect with others on the basis of shared interest and the desire to learn more or practice together through scheduled calls.
I love how Natalie and Shawna have cultivated an atmosphere of co-creation with each other and with the Collective at large. In the beginning, I was worried that with so many ways to connect, I would need to give more of myself than I was ready for, but there are no expectations set, everything is voluntary. I can show up as I am and be as involved as I feel called to, without any pressure to go beyond my comfort zone.
It is the perfect way for me to test out the guidance I receive from my own intuition as I calibrate my body and mind to acquire it’s wisdom.
Earth Speak podcasts continue to provide me with inspiration as each magical guest is provided a platform to share pieces of themselves with the world. A lot of times these guests end up leading workshops where they provide more than just a glimpse into their lives, but a chance for others to try their hand at the gifts they offer.
These workshops are currently being offered to anyone interested, and come at no extra cost for Collective members. Some of my favorite workshops have taught me about gardening, how to make a wreath, and how to make a healing herbal salve. Magic is always infused into the projects with loving intention.
I always enjoy tuning into Earth Speak podcasts, and I no longer do so with that deep sense of longing because now I know what the guests have which makes their lives so magical, and I have it too. I have cultivated a rich relationship with my intuition and learned to trust the guidance I receive.
Had I not joined Earth Speak, I might still feel alone and lost. I might still feel twisted and confused about who I really am and continue developing relationships that leave me unfulfilled and worn out.
Thanks to my involvement with Earth Speak, I have developed tools and practices that help me hone in on the language of my true nature.When I reflect on that time five years ago, I realize that my intuition was guiding me away from a toxic lifestyle steeped in a culture of suppression, and towards a community where I would be nourished and where I could flourish as my most authentic self.
Are you living your most authentic life? What is your intuition calling you towards? Do you have a community that truly gets you and supports your growth?
